Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Flesh of my Flesh

Hello! Look at me posting pretty close to other posts!
So recap of my days:
     Yesterday I was drug to work out! Literally I feel soo bad for my wonderful friend kerry I complained pretty much non stop the WHOLE way to the gym. Which is weird cause I use to enjoy working out but idk it just wasn't very appealing yesterday morning at 830 when I didn't have class till 12:20. I think it will work out well though she will be my enforcer making me participate in something that I will love later down the road! We planned out our little schedule we work out monday and friday at 8.30 and then tuesday and thursdays around 4 and saturdays whenever we find a convenient time. I like it and hate it at the same time! Like today I already slacked off. Poor Kerry I had way to much homework so I didn't go but diligent Kerry took her lonesome self and worked out! So what do I have to attempt to do now.....wake myself up at 830 and go to the gym alone...ugh this sounds way more depressing than I was thinking...I might just end up sleeping in...You can see how desperately I need Kerry! Then I went to my classes which weren't bad at all! Spanish is absolutely my favorite class ever! He is hilarious and the class picks me up! At home it use to be going to aftercare and seeing my kids now its spanish class! But he has been using puppies on is power points which has really really made me want to play with puppies! So it was depressing cause I was like ugh I'm not in Memphis where I can go to the Puppy Corral! But ALAS I was talking with this sophomore guy named, Jordan, who informed me there is in fact a puppy corral in Knoxville! So just a little helpful hint to all those boys who are reading this blog (doubtful there are any lol) a cute date idea would most defiantly be taking the girl to play with puppies or kittens. She pretty much would fall in love with you! Or at least most girls I know would! Then after class me and Katherine went to cheer on some flag football with some guy friends we had met...really guy friends of katherine's that I had met. Then after that we had a Chi O meeting! Which we have one every monday night and every night we have to dress up! I am quickly realizing I am running out of cute dressy/ casual outfits! I need cute tops, cute dresses, cute skirts, cute shoes,. Yep pretty much a new wardrobe so if anyone wants to offer to donate I would be more than pleased to be your charity case! I have a new Owl Pal this week! She is really sweet I don't know her  at all but I can't wait to get to know her! There are so many girls I can't wait to get to know! We have our pledge retreat weekend next weekend! Then we came home and crashed! Or at least We had Hoped to crash lol me and Katherine stayed up talking! We seem to only talk when we have 8 O'clocks! Now on to today!...

         Today:
              Well today I got up for my 8 o'clock class, not fun at all. NEVER take 8 o'clocks! They are complete death no matter what kind of morning person you think you are! It's also political science which isn't really my favorite. Then went to biology and to lunch and then back to the dorm to do homework and sleep! Then I went to my math class where I do not understand a word my teacher says. Well I guess I understand the english he is speaking but the whole math concept just goes way beyond me! It's crazy, he showed us 4 ways to show data and I was like what is the point. I like to know what I am doing when I'm doing math and why I am doing that...he doesn't really explain that so I just stare blankly and hope my tutor that I hopefully get soon will shed some light on my very dark situation! Then I came back to the room where I did homework instead of working out and then got ready for dinner. Went to dinner with some ruf girls and then walked with them to ruf. Ruf was really good tonight! I really enjoyed it! They played some songs from this irish couple (i think) who I absolutely love! The message was really good. We are in a series on relationships. Like relationships with man and God and where we misinterpret them or how we have the wrong idea about them. A lot of things were said about how we go to things of this world or people in this world and we ask them to tell us who we are. And if we don't get the answer that we want or that doesn't match up to what we want ourselves to look like we move onto something else asking that/them to tell us who we are. I find it awful how I do this way to much. For so long I would go to other people, friends or family and ask them to show me who I am. And really only God will be able to do that! This is a hard struggle for me because for some reason I like holding on to the misinterpretations of who I think I am. I did a study with my mommy and sisters this summer, Its called Me, Myself, and Lies. Best study ever please do it! Even though it is the best it was really really hard for me. I still haven't finished it because all of it hits so close to home for me. The study is about going through your thought closet and cleaning it out. First you learn to see what you think about and how you view yourself. Then it shows you what God sees and teaches you to make God the center of your thought closet and how to make those negative lies leave you mind! Ugh It's soo good! But I keep putting it off because I know there is a lot of hurt in some of the things I have to go clean out. I think horrible of myself and to get those thoughts out I'm going to have to go through old hurtful memories and destroy the lies I have let sit in my closet! There is really no excuse for not wanting to do it but I claim soo many every time I go to open it back up. The other day I was thinking about why is it easier for humans to love other fallen humans more than they love God. For example I find it easier to work on my earthly relationships and yet I find it hard to work on my relationship with God. And as I thought I realized that it's because I know that the other human being is going to mess up and I think that because they mess up, they have to love me when I mess up. But with God he is never going to mess up. There is nothing for me to be like okay I will forgive you because you forgave me. Which is soo amazing yet awful to me at the same time. It's hard for me to grasp the concept of grace. How amazing is His grace! Then upon telling this thought to a friend he told me that yea that makes sense (prolly just saying that to make me feel better) and then went on to say that it could also be because we don't understand God's ways. We don't know why He does what he does all the time. And I was like woah yea. Human people are here now and most of the time we can grasp of understand why they do what they do. But yea I'm not sure if any of that made sense but it's just my little bit of being philosophical.

After RUF tonight I went with my Chi O sisters and we painted the rock which looked soo cute! It was a blast. Maybe I will upload pictures one day if I ever figure out how on my computer! Oh and to explain the title tonight in ruf we were in Genesis 2 & 3 and we were discussing the relationships between god and man and eve and adam! We also discussed what happened between those relationships at the fall! So nothing creepy! Well now it's off to bed for me! XOXO

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