Pain

have you ever noticed that you can never fathom what kind of pain another person is in? Even if just two hours ago you were in the exact same pain! It is amazing to me how self centered humans really are. To us no one else has ever felt our kind of pain and anyone else's pain they can easily get over. Sure there are those rare cases where we can't begin to imagine what they must be going through, but still we give them a time period to get over it. We don't want to listen to their drawn out sob story... that would take to much time away from ours. I think girls are especially bad about this..even with something as simple as our period...we are like girl suck it up i've been there! Pain just is soooooo weird to me! We don't like to focus on it, we don't know what to do with it, we minimize it, we ignore it, we dramatize it..... So today listen to someones long story about how much pain they are in...even if you heard the same thing last week!

For The Good Of Others

How do you do something completely for someone else?

I don't know if as a selfish human being there is ever a time when I will ever do something for someone only for them. It kills me because I always want to try and do something for someone else without expecting anything in the end. Yet, without fail every time somewhere subconsciously I am doing it for me. I am nice because I want them to be nice to me in return. I befriend someone because I want to be friends with them. I go the extra mile because I think I would want that to happen to me. I spend money on others because I assume in some way I will maybe one day receive the same kindness. In some way I am receiving something from every action I do. Even if that action is just me getting satisfaction of thinking I helped someone that day. It is like a never ending cycle.

World I am a selfish person and I will forever be this way.

Abby.

A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn.

Today.....Not as good of a day.

It's cause I didn't see any kids!! Instead I dealt with politics...gross!!
Haha I think it's funny how much I get involved with political things when I really don't like politics..Trying to be that well rounded person lol. But seriously me and my friend were talking about it and she was like "you are going to be a politician one day and I will be sitting here telling people you hate it".  Well friend if that ever happens I assure you I am only doing it for the philanthropy aspects lol :).
These few days have been pretty stressful and lacking in sleep! It's been a combination of school, chi o, and sga....but I will sleep this weekend! I am getting initiated tomorrow to Chi Omega! AHHH I be very very scared lol but my mommy and daddy are coming to see me!!! :D I am soo excited!

Have you ever been tired of yourself?
I have.
In fact it is one of my problems....
I really have begun to resent how nice I am...
How ironic right.
It's just well nice people don't make it in our world today.
I feel like I live in Darwin's law of natural selection and I am getting killed off.
Maybe I just take things way to personally but not gonna lie it seems like I am always getting taken advantage of or taken for granted. Even when I go about trying to not make that happen. And there isn't anything I can do to change that. I am who I am. I can't be mean it eats me alive and takes away my joy. I live to see other people smile. Not that I don't look out for myself but I guess I never want to step on toes if it is unnecessary.
Ugh its just one of those depressing nights. You know them. We all have them.

I wore a cute outfit today! Or an outfit I am proud of...you can decide if its cute lol. but goodness, I bought these new heels...UGH they are killers!! I am usually really good at walking in heels like seriously haven't found a pair I have that I can't run in! UNTIl NOW! I can't even walk in these shoes!! They are death for realz...If you ever have the pleasure of watching me walk in them you are going to laugh lol. but needless to say I wore them for about 5 hours. I was laughed, snickered, and talked about because of them lol. I also have some really pretty blisters!! Oh what girls do right!

Well it is time to go to bed!
God is good and he can sustain you through any bad day. I know I've had them!
Trust on Him with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings.

Abz

"I have a kid!!!!"

            Today I got to go to soar! It is a program run by a church in a project neighborhood and they help teach kids to read! So what I get to do every week is go and teach a little kid how to read to hopefully improve their reading skills! I heard about it at RUF on tuesday night! You have no idea how excited I got! I legit had this crazy huge smile plastered on my face! Then when I got confirmed that I could do it, I literally jumped for joy and started singing/screaming that I had a kid! I called my friend taylor giddy of course she doesn't quite understand and said it sounded more like a headache than a celebration. I was really missing kids and when I got back on campus. Cause honestly they are where my heart is and I know I am suppose to be doing something with them for the rest of my life. I don't care that I won't make any money, kids are my passion. Since they are my passion I will stop at nothing to interact with them! I will dedicate a post to why I love kids so much and think they are so important but tonight I am tired and I think that subject deserves it's own post! Anywho, I got to go to soar today! I read with marie. She was kinda shy and quiet but her reading got better at the end of the hour and a half! I was soo proud of her. It truly is amazing how much being around kids brightens my day! Sure they are kind of exhausting but its a good kind of exhausting. They make any stress go away. AHHHHH I loved it! I also loved thinking I am helping these precious little children better their reading skills which will help them all around in life! I can't wait to go back! I can't believe I get to do this! I really need to ask my mom to bring me a copy of her phonics stuff though I can't remember all the tricky rules to explain hard vowel sounds! I will be horribly poor one day.....and you know what I don't care I will be rich in so many other ways!!


Go find your passion!

Ode to Dad

Dear Daddy,


              Thank you for all those years of "boy training". I am finally started to grasp better what you were trying to teach me all those years! You would be proud of me I am playing the game pretty well now. I've gotten better at making d'em puppies with a disease keep their feet on their toes! I really value what you taught me. Though I will admit I didn't quite understand in middle school and even highschool but as I get older I'm seeing everything make more sense. Not going to lie it kinda stunk to have my fairy tale prince charming dreams crushed but you helped me see reality! I can stand on my own two feet now and not be swept away by boys who are just playing the part. I know I didn't really appreciate your advice as much as I should have in high school. I'm so glad you taught me the things you did. You were right with your biggest worry for me when I went off to college. I didn't see how that was possible back then. But looking back you were reading me like a book! I thank God I didn't meet someone who would have swayed my mind to change my plans. Yet, I thank Him even more that He gave me a daddy who taught me not to be lead to change my plans and hopes for a boy. Dad, you taught me to be my own person and not to focus on boys. You taught me how to not give in and how to think on my own. I know I haven't come close to mastering much in the boy area of my life but because of you I'm doing fine. Thanks for not spoiling me with a fantasy dream of a prince charming. Thanks for loving my mom and living out the perfect example of what my husband should look like. Thanks for teaching me right from wrong. You are doing a great job dad. Your wise and godly. I know us kids don't always get what you are saying or agree with you, but dad, your making a difference. You are making us the people we are suppose to be. You made me a better person. Your other kids are gonna realize it too someday dad. I think you would be proud to see how I have learned to not give in to boys! You've taught me so much more than just boy stuff but thought I'd just  hit on one of your great lessons! Thanks for being the best dad ever!


Your Abby

Life is a Black hole, So jump in!

You know what I've been curiously contemplating and discussing?


-----Pain-------
What do you do with pain?
How do you handle it?
Personally I have 2 ways I usually handle my pain. One way I deal with pain is by ignoring it. I don't face the situation, instead I bottle it up and store it somewhere far away, out of site. Then every six months or more it resurfaces and I'm a blubbering idiot. It isn't a very good method because I don't actually get over the pain I just keep hiding it only making it bigger. The second way I deal with pain is I turn it around on myself. I see where I went wrong and I blame myself for the whole thing. Then I punish myself and send myself on a quest to be a better person. In the end all I am is really discouraged and left believing the lies I say about myself. So I started thinking about what would be a better method than the two I always do. It made me realize how strange pain is. You can't make it disappear. Emotional pain isn't the same as physical pain it doesn't just go away after months of recovery. Instead emotional pain is almost always there with that dull reminder of what happened. You always remember the hurtful words or actions. Even when you truly forgive and give up those hurtful times you can never quite forget them. I've realized that the best thing to do is to first give the Pain over to our heavenly Father. Then you can look at the situation realize what went wrong, where you and the other party went wrong. You then try and make your side right. What I don't think I should do anymore is forget the good times. Almost always when I get hurt by a friend I hold the bad times against them and I use that to heal myself. I try and burn all of the good memories and just remember the bad feeding that pain and bitterness. That isn't right. I really think you need to realize that there were good times and life happens. I need to forgive and forget the hurtful memories rather than hold onto them. They don't make me feel better. Yet, I don't think focusing on the good times will cure the pain, honestly only time is going to do that. But by seeing the good times you can say yes we had good memories and they have made me a better person. I believe the best way is to look at the situation and realize that there is a plan for the hurt that happened and though maybe it wasn't suppose to happen like that but it did; and because it did there will be something good out of it. God says he works all things out for our good. This means even through our stupid mistakes God is able to repair our broken lives. Of course their must be repentance but just because of mistakes doesn't mean God can't still work in my life or yours. So I think that is how I will deal with pain. I am going through all the times when those close to me have hurt me and realizing that there is a greater plan than I can see. So I guess I'm finally letting those hurtful words said against me go. I'm finally officially forgiving the things said against me and I'm moving on. I am not letting myself be trapped by the pain in my past. I'm not holding onto the past mistakes I have made. I can't be used in others lives if I am to scared to get close to people. I don't want to get close until I let go of this pain I have been desperately clinging too. I have to give up my hopes of those events being erased and realize that I am now in a new place and I need to grow these new relationships. So I am saying goodbye to all the pain I have held.


I know this is most likely boring to you all but it's so freeing to actually have gone through my thought closet and removed those boxes of painful pictures. I feel like I'm getting the spark back in my eyes that I had when I was younger. Yes people are going to disappoint me but that doesn't mean I give up on  people that I haven't met yet. Things won't always be as you have planned....but that means things will only be better!


So hasta la vista pain!!


I hope you can let go of your own hurtful memories that have been holding you back! There is sooo much more in life don't waste it by remembering the past! 


Live. Laugh. Love

Round 2!!

So I started writing a post the other day and goodness it was CRAZY!! I was really hyper so literally it was all over the place. So I didn't post it for your sanity or maybe in hopes to save some of mine! Second semester is going really well! I have been here for a week and I am already back into college days. I promise you one college day is 3 normal days! It feels like I have been here way longer than a week! First week activities have included playing in the snow, a couple dates :), finding classes, going to class, hanging out 24/7 with taylor, game day, basketball, and tons of gym time!

I love my classes this semester! My english class is on Fairy Tales!! How awesome is that! Our major book is confessions of an ugly stepsister! It will most definitely be my favorite class! I am also taking psychology and the teacher is really cool and nice. Then I have bio 102 and Geography hopefully! Not to bad of a semester I started out with 14 hours and hopefully I am going to end up with 18...wow I know big leap lol. BUT I can't take only have 2 classes a day! I feel like such an under achiever. Yet, it took me forever to find the geography class which I am not technically in yet, crossing my fingers! I was thinking maybe I don't have a lot of hours for a reason? Maybe I will have something important happen this semester that will take a lot of my time? who knows we shall find out!


The other night we stayed in Thompson Boling Arena! It was an experience to say the least lol. It really wasn't that fun...I mean I am glad I went but I will most definitely never do it again!! We got to tour the locker rooms and meet the players but really that is all that happened. Although I did make it to the knoxville newspaper! Here is the picture of it!

I look so attractive lol....Well I shall bring more updates later! Love you all!

Abz

Back To School Go The Boys and Girls

Back to knoxvegas!!
So my last week at home I spent playing mom! The most spoiling thing ever!! AHH its making me miss home even more! Christmas break is really far to long, never thought I'd say that, I got waaaay to use to be at home! But all I gotta say after playing mom is everybody go thank your mom lol! It's funny the things you realize after you go through the same experience. I wish we weren't so self centered and could learn those things before we went through it. I was talking with one of my oldest friends and we were laughing about how everything now makes sense with what your mom does after you play mom. She said for example that when she got to play mom for a while she got all excited when her sister was coming home for school and couldn't wait to have someone in the house to talk to! Yet, when she walked in the door she didn't want to talk after school. My friend and I laughed about how easy it was for her to get mad about that. Then we talked about how bad we felt for so many things we must have done to our moms and how we under appreciate them! So thanks mommy for everything you doo! Hah I haven't even had my own kids yet makes me nervous for how much stuff I'm going to realize that I did that hurt my mom! So sorry in advanced mom, I promise to try harder!! I love you!

IT IS A WINTER WONDERLAND!! Ugh No one I know is awake and I feel like a little kid on Christmas morning who is locked away in their bedroom and can't come down for another hour or so! I just want to scream THERE IS SNOWW!!! WAKE UP!!! but I am refraining...not sure how much longer that will last though! ahhh I can't wait to go play in it!!
                                                          This is going to be me!

                                                        And I am making one of these

                                                                  And these!

Enjoy your snow too Memphis! 

xoxo

"Love is not blind; it simply enables one to see things others fail to see"

Christmas was wonderful! It is most definitely my favorite holiday! Reasons for this are:

1. Christmas lights are everywhere!!! I love them.

2. It's sometimes chilly so you get to bundle up, drink hot chocolate, and visit around the warm house!

3. Christmas eve is amazing!

4. Christmas Carols.

5. At least 2 weeks off to spend the whole time with your family!!

Oh yes! I do love Christmas! Probably because I have the bestest family to spend it with though! I hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas and new years!

I have been reading and watching the  best stuff!!!! I love break lol I have time to do nothing and not feel guilty about it! First I watched the Swan Princess the other day with my little brother and little sister! I had forgotten how much I love that movie! It is now my favorite Princess movie. I love it cause there is a defined bold chase. And unlike many of the stories of this century it was the boy doing the chasing! It rekindled my girlish dreams of prince charming! Derek is searching for Odette from the day she goes missing! He doesn't give up even though every once else does. He doesn't stop looking for her and fall for another one of the many girls his mother is constantly pushing at him. Everyone is pretty much against him looking for her and telling him to give up! YET HE DOESN'T STOP! I know I am such a girl but I love it. I think that is something every girl wishes for. In fact, I think everyone wishes for at least one person who will constantly seek after them no matter what happens! I think the story also reflects how much Christ has constantly searched after me! He never gave up. No matter how many people diminished him to me or how many times I tried to hide from him he came after me still the same! It's amazing his love. He is my prince charming. He is the only person who can be my prince charming. Any human is going to fall short but He never will. He sees everything that I am and he still loves me. I don't know why but I always try and diminish his love because I claim it isn't "physical" and I can't touch it. silly me of course it isn't physical cause it never can be! I hope you all realize his abundant love for you. 



One of my beloved authors is Francine Rivers! She is amazing! Her books have really changed my life. I don't know what it is but reading her books and seeing how her characters grow in their faith really encourages my own growth. Her Mark of the Lion series really changed the way I viewed prayer. She portrayed the personal aspect of prayer that really stuck with me and I really grew because of it! I just finished reading her new series Marta's Legacy! OH friends it was amazing!! I cannot lie I cried a lot as I always do in her books and I really wanted to quit reading at one point. In the middle of the second book I really wanted to give up on humanity and was soo depressed about how much we get wrong in our relationships. How so many times we think something is one way when in reality it is the opposite. But there was a redemptive ending! Ahh these books really encouraged me to follow my dreams and make goals and also to study my Bible a lot more than I do. It also had many chases! It was really cool to see how the girls in the book weren't obsessed with finding a husband and how God brought the right ones into their lives. I know it is a fiction book but it was just a nice reminder to sit back and let God work. For reals, this girls did nothing and then bam when they weren't expecting it the perfect person came along and actively persistently pursued them! I encourage you If you haven't read these books read them right away!! If you are anything like me you will fall in love and not be the same person you were after you read them!

Well look at the time! I told myself I was going to bed early tonight oops!