"God is God. He knows what he is doing. When you can't trace his hand, trust his heart." This is what I read Monday morning as I was preparing for they day. It made me stop and just mutter the last sentence over and over. God has a plan for my life. Every thing happens for a reason. I feel like those are two statements Christians use all the time but are the first things we forget. I forget them all the time. Not that I forget the sayings, no in fact I find myself repeating them to friends when they are in times of trouble. Yet, I don't find myself repeating them to myself in those little times of trouble. On those days when everything stinks and door seem to be slamming in my face. I don't think hey every thing happens for a reason. Instead I become cynical and begin to think like the world and say those events only happen by coincidence. I don't always remember to stop, wait and look to learn what i am missing. I just blow through the moments with a bad attitude and a "woe is me" mentality. I need to learn to trust His heart. I think more than anything I need to learn his heart. I want to know his heart like it is the back of my hand. I don't want to have to search for his heart, I want to be so familiar with His ways that it pops out from the page! I want everything else to become black and white as his grace and will shoots from life in streaming colors! I lose the big picture a lot!!! I get bogged down in the here and now and worry waaaay to much! God has a plan more is yet to come. I need to stop be still and know that HE is God!
This week is Big sister week in the Chi O suite!! It is soooo amazing! I have way to much stuff! There is candy in the room! ALL over the room! It is not good at all cause it is all that i eat! Seriously this mornings breakfast consisted of chocolate! Oh college diets! I have owls everywhere! I have 15 new tshirts so far!! I don't know who my big is but I already love her! She has gone above and beyond my expectations! It is AMAZING how much stuff I have! It surprises me everytime I walk in to pick up my new stuff for the day. I keep thinking the amount of stuff will decrease but I think it increases! We have four days of presents! The first was candy, cookies, and baked goods for C. The second day was hand me down day for H. The third day was insomnia for I. Finally the fourth day is outburst for O. What does that spell? CHI O!!! hahah its been a lot of fun! My big is amazing... To amazing! I really don't know what to do with everything it is crazy! My room is such a mess because of it too!
I have definitely underestimated the amount of studying college classes would require! I knew college would be hard but I didn't really realize how much studying and notes I would have to take on my own! Like for my Biology class I have to read each chapter before class taking my own notes, then take notes in class, then combine the notes, then go to the Professors private open discussion groups, then to his teachers assistant help groups. IT IS CRAZY! but that is only for biology. I feel like the class is 3 classes it takes soo much time! I just never realized how much teaching myself I would be doing in college. The teachers no longer give you the answers you have to find them out on your own for sure! Which I am not complaining about I just completely underestimated what I would have to do. So now I started off a little rough but that is to be expected and I know I will be doing better as the years go on!
Well it is back to studying and doing homework!
xoxo
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Sisters, there where never such devoted sisters!
Lizzie came to knoxvegas this weekend and she brought allie and kate along with her! It was a whole lot of fun! We really just goofed off together and talked and ate a lot of food! It was nice to just hang out with my sister. As she described all we have to do is sit in each others presence and we can feel our energy playing off of one another! There is nothing quite like sister bonds! But alas the weekend is over and I must now buckle down and do the dreaded homework! I'm trying to train myself to not think of it as dreaded but rather something fun. So far I haven't accomplished that! The game wasn't much fun this week. We barely won which was just not cool and not many people came out to the game so it was kinda awkward! But I hope my junior friends got to see what knoxville is like and hopefully I will get to see them on campus again one day! Tomorrow starts Big sis little sis week!! I am sooooo excited!! We have four days of presents! Apparently they give us soo much stuff it is unbelievable! I am super curious as to who my big sis is! I can not wait to find out! So this week will most likely be a long one since I will be anxiously waiting to find out who she is till next sunday! Ahhh I've always wanted a big sister as cheesy as that sounds! It is weird writing so close to my last post I don't have a novel to report about like all the other times! It is getting cooler here! I got to have the coolest conversation the other day with a friend about missions! I was pleasantly surprised cause I don't usually run into people who want to do missions that are completely normal lol. But it was the fastest most peaceful two hours of my day lol! Three spoons is a frozen yogurt restaurant we have right here near campus that is delicious!!! It is where I will gain my freshman 15 lol! I really do need to make myself get on a no sugar diet though! The desserts in the cafeteria are killing me!! They are sooo good and there are soo many of them!
Recently, I have been thinking about missions. I don't really like the connotation we give its name. I feel like when people now a day think about missions they think of people who go over seas and to be a missionary you have to give up your life for something worse or less than what you could be. I feel like the mission is like this goal that they have to accomplish as a missionary. Like when we go on mission trips we have a set goal and if we don't meet it the trip wasn't worth it. When in reality I think everyone is a missionary. Missions should be our daily focus. We shouldn't treat it like a job, it is a lifestyle. It should be how we live not something we have to meetings and trips for. The trips are a great tool! but they are not where the work stops. Missionaries should not be that different from every single on of us. The only difference I feel should be that they live in a different country, at least some of them. I feel like people look down or up to missions. They look down upon it in that they think that you have to sacrifice yourself and your potential to be a missionary. Which yes you do have to sacrifice but not anything about who you are. Just maybe some American comforts. I know everyone is different and everyone is called to various places and occupations in life but being a missionary isn't sacrificing a good life. To me it is life. To go and serve people 24/7 in a different country where they have less than I do is life to me. That is where I find my most joy is in serving people! But then there are the places where missionaries are elevated and praised because they are special people who are called to give up that much of their lives. Yes they have a special calling but I believe we are all called to missions. I don't think its right to praise missionaries more than others, they are the same people as you and me they just go different places. Yes, it makes it a little easier to see their dedication but that doesn't meant they are doing bigger and better things than someone ministering to the neighbors. These are just some of my thoughts on missions. I fully accept that some of them may be wrong and I am sorry if I ever offend anyone with what I say. Hopefully going overseas one day is a passion of my heart! I anxiously await the day when i am able to go over seas. but I know I have a place here and now I must be ministering to. So i will anxiously await what God has in store for me to do today! I hope you all have a wonderful sunday! Drive back safely little sister!
To God be the glory!
Recently, I have been thinking about missions. I don't really like the connotation we give its name. I feel like when people now a day think about missions they think of people who go over seas and to be a missionary you have to give up your life for something worse or less than what you could be. I feel like the mission is like this goal that they have to accomplish as a missionary. Like when we go on mission trips we have a set goal and if we don't meet it the trip wasn't worth it. When in reality I think everyone is a missionary. Missions should be our daily focus. We shouldn't treat it like a job, it is a lifestyle. It should be how we live not something we have to meetings and trips for. The trips are a great tool! but they are not where the work stops. Missionaries should not be that different from every single on of us. The only difference I feel should be that they live in a different country, at least some of them. I feel like people look down or up to missions. They look down upon it in that they think that you have to sacrifice yourself and your potential to be a missionary. Which yes you do have to sacrifice but not anything about who you are. Just maybe some American comforts. I know everyone is different and everyone is called to various places and occupations in life but being a missionary isn't sacrificing a good life. To me it is life. To go and serve people 24/7 in a different country where they have less than I do is life to me. That is where I find my most joy is in serving people! But then there are the places where missionaries are elevated and praised because they are special people who are called to give up that much of their lives. Yes they have a special calling but I believe we are all called to missions. I don't think its right to praise missionaries more than others, they are the same people as you and me they just go different places. Yes, it makes it a little easier to see their dedication but that doesn't meant they are doing bigger and better things than someone ministering to the neighbors. These are just some of my thoughts on missions. I fully accept that some of them may be wrong and I am sorry if I ever offend anyone with what I say. Hopefully going overseas one day is a passion of my heart! I anxiously await the day when i am able to go over seas. but I know I have a place here and now I must be ministering to. So i will anxiously await what God has in store for me to do today! I hope you all have a wonderful sunday! Drive back safely little sister!
To God be the glory!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
ooooo college life....
Hi! I think it has already been longer since the last time I wrote and I said I was going to do better! Oh well. So I told you I was going to write about pledge retreat so I will! It was a lot of fun yet completely exhausting! Because we stayed up ALL night...I don't really like all nighters especially after a long week of school! But it was a lot of fun! We did a lot of ice breakers, ate a lot of junk food, had some funny skits, got visited by some loverly older sisters, learned some history of our sorority, laughed, cried, had secret gifts for our secret hootie pal, and shared a lot about ourselves. It was really just a weekend or really a night of getting to know all the girls in our pledge class and create one big new family lol! Chi O has been a really blessing to me these past few weeks. It has given me the opportunity to meet soo many good girls and to have a huge group of friends. It is really like having a family because to some certain extent all the girls have to like you like you have to love your own family. I'm sure they dont HAVE to love you like your family does but to a certain extent they do! It is awesome! A real comfort fall back to know hey these people like me! Also I like them and I really do feel at home with them!
Okay now some football games! Well the first football I went to was against Oregon. I spent the whole day tailgating with some Chi O's. It was suppose to rain so I was prepared and had been carrying my rain jacket around with me ALL day and it was sunny as could be! So i was getting really annoyed having to carry it around everywhere and not even needing it. My feet also hurt from the shoes I was wearing! So i went back to my dorm to grab some water and put on some more comfortable shoes. And of course I put my rain jacket down! Then I headed to the game! At the game I sat with my friend Brooke Fraser and her date for Chi o and some of her other friends! The game started off really well we were playing pretty good at least for the beginning lol. And then all the sudden the game came to a pause because they saw lightening and we were going to have to wait it out. Then the sky turned the scariest color ever!! It was actually very creepy. We stayed and tried to sit and wait it out and I was just thinking how ironic it was that once i laid my rain jacket down it would rain! So of course it MONSOONS!!! I was soaked! It was cute some of Brooke's friends tried to shield the rain from us it somewhat worked but after a while we ran up to take cover from the rain! Then finally after like an hour the game starts again! Then we stay till about half time when I finally leave because I felt completely awful! I think from the rain and being exhausted! The second game I went to was against FLORIDA!!! It was a good game we lost of course! We always lose lol. Its really depressing though because they kinda make it like a tease they do okay and you think we somewhat have a chance and then they lose it! That game was fun except that it was at 3 in the afternoon so it was burning up! The student section is in the sun so I got a pretty nice tan! But on the other hand I don't think I have ever sweated that much before in such a short amount of time!
Last week we had PEACE, LOVE, & CHI O!!! It was soo soo much fun!! I went with Paul Michael Peeler who is a guy I kinda knew from highschool. I had asked Sarah Beasley to find me a date lol...I just felt really weird asking a guy and I dont know many of them so she said she knew some good Christian guys she could set me up with! And it ended up being Paul Michael! AHH i dont think I will ever go to a mixer ever again! Everyone always says date parties are more fun than mixers but I couldn't really understand why until I went! It is SO much better going with a date. One because we actually knew we were surrounded by good guys and two because you are actually with someone i guess! Our theme is hippy 70's is theme! it was soo much fun and such a cute them to dress up as! Now for Chi O we are doing this thing called lip sync. Its a competition between all the new pledges of each sorority and we get a them and we have to make up a dance and lip sync to the songs and we compete to be the best! Our them is Prince and we start practices on sunday and practice three days a week for 2 hours! Its going to be very tiring but a lot of fun! Of course I am not going to look good because I can not dance to save my life, but I will have fun attempting!
School is getting a whole lot busier! I feel like I just finished a week of sprint studying! Seriously all I did last week was sleep and study sleep and study! Ugh...but this is college and thats really all I need to do lol! I keep freaking out about getting a job though. I really REALLY need one of those. Of course my class schedule right now doesn't really allow for one. I just feel weird not working and I don't like not having income consistently coming in.. it is really not cool. Im kinda worried how I am going to manage having a job, Chi o, Freshman council, and school next semester....I wish everything could be free!! life would be soo much easier...Just kidding.
OH! I made Freshman Council!! Which is the freshman legislature of the Student government association! 300 plus applied and went through two rounds of interviews and 20 girls and 20 guys were chosen to be on the council! AND I MADE IT!!! I was soo excited! At first I went in really blind sided and not knowing what it was all about (to be completely honest I keep finding new details to what we actually do! and am still not sure what it is 100% about) I was just told I would enjoy it and should look in to it. I also thought the whole process was pretty much going to be a sign up and you make it kind of process. I did foresee that there would be 300 people competing!! So when I finally realized I actually really wanted it I was like oh no I haven't been pushing my best qualities enough and really didn't think I would make it to round 2. BUT I did make it to round two!! And round two interviews were going AMAZING! seriously one of my best interviews for anything. I wasn't awkward I had answers flowing and they were good answers. And the atmosphere was really good in the room. I liked the execs interviewing me and I felt like they liked me. I think it was one of the few interviews where I wasn't awkward, I was nice and bubbly like I am around people I know really well. Anyways we all get up to leave and well it was really awkward cause Im the interviewee and I don't know if I should make my way to the door first or if I should wait. So we have that loverly awkward few moments and then we make our way to the door. Well this one guy was standing there with his hand outstretched like you would if you were about to give someone a side hug. So I assumed he was wanted to give me a side hug...So I GAVE HIM A HUG! THEN I realize he was just standing like that to hold the door once I opened it!!! He of course played it off real well and was like "aww how cute! look how sweet she is, we have a connection right from the start". I walked out of the room turned the corner and kicked myself! I was soo embarrassed. I couldn't believe I thought he wanted a hug! How weird is that! So God was giving me some humble pie and for the rest of the day I was sure I was not going to make it because of that! But alas the president called me that night to tell me I had made it....and I screamed on the phone....at the president....then later that night I yelled at a girl "caroline is that you, you look soo cute, I didn't recognize you at all" to which the girl replied "what? Im not caroline" so of course I didn't recognize her cause it wasnt the girl I thought it was.....It was quite an amusing night and day for me lol! But I love freshman council! We had our initiation welcome on tuesday night! I met a lot of fun people who I can not wait to become friends with! I went in thinking I didn't know anyone else doing SGA and actually knew 2 girls. Also there was a guy who is from memphis went to collierville, who went to a dance with one of my friends so we ate at the same house together. and then there was a girl from memphis who was on my bridge builders team from junior camp! So once again it is a small world after all!
Still trying out different churches. Went once again to Fellowship last sunday. They had a baby dedication. So they have 2 marks towards the baptist theology lol. I found out this past sunday that it is a nondenominational church. But I like the sermon series the pastor is preaching on. He is a good preacher!
I really miss little kids. Yesterday on campus I saw two little newborns and wanted SO badly to walk up and ask if I could hold their child for them....I of course did not do this cause that would be creepy! I definitely want to work in that infant rooms at bellevue when I go back for Christmas break!
wow this post is quite long...I have actually been periodically working on it for two days just because I have been that busy! will hopefully update you more periodically!
Okay now some football games! Well the first football I went to was against Oregon. I spent the whole day tailgating with some Chi O's. It was suppose to rain so I was prepared and had been carrying my rain jacket around with me ALL day and it was sunny as could be! So i was getting really annoyed having to carry it around everywhere and not even needing it. My feet also hurt from the shoes I was wearing! So i went back to my dorm to grab some water and put on some more comfortable shoes. And of course I put my rain jacket down! Then I headed to the game! At the game I sat with my friend Brooke Fraser and her date for Chi o and some of her other friends! The game started off really well we were playing pretty good at least for the beginning lol. And then all the sudden the game came to a pause because they saw lightening and we were going to have to wait it out. Then the sky turned the scariest color ever!! It was actually very creepy. We stayed and tried to sit and wait it out and I was just thinking how ironic it was that once i laid my rain jacket down it would rain! So of course it MONSOONS!!! I was soaked! It was cute some of Brooke's friends tried to shield the rain from us it somewhat worked but after a while we ran up to take cover from the rain! Then finally after like an hour the game starts again! Then we stay till about half time when I finally leave because I felt completely awful! I think from the rain and being exhausted! The second game I went to was against FLORIDA!!! It was a good game we lost of course! We always lose lol. Its really depressing though because they kinda make it like a tease they do okay and you think we somewhat have a chance and then they lose it! That game was fun except that it was at 3 in the afternoon so it was burning up! The student section is in the sun so I got a pretty nice tan! But on the other hand I don't think I have ever sweated that much before in such a short amount of time!
Last week we had PEACE, LOVE, & CHI O!!! It was soo soo much fun!! I went with Paul Michael Peeler who is a guy I kinda knew from highschool. I had asked Sarah Beasley to find me a date lol...I just felt really weird asking a guy and I dont know many of them so she said she knew some good Christian guys she could set me up with! And it ended up being Paul Michael! AHH i dont think I will ever go to a mixer ever again! Everyone always says date parties are more fun than mixers but I couldn't really understand why until I went! It is SO much better going with a date. One because we actually knew we were surrounded by good guys and two because you are actually with someone i guess! Our theme is hippy 70's is theme! it was soo much fun and such a cute them to dress up as! Now for Chi O we are doing this thing called lip sync. Its a competition between all the new pledges of each sorority and we get a them and we have to make up a dance and lip sync to the songs and we compete to be the best! Our them is Prince and we start practices on sunday and practice three days a week for 2 hours! Its going to be very tiring but a lot of fun! Of course I am not going to look good because I can not dance to save my life, but I will have fun attempting!
School is getting a whole lot busier! I feel like I just finished a week of sprint studying! Seriously all I did last week was sleep and study sleep and study! Ugh...but this is college and thats really all I need to do lol! I keep freaking out about getting a job though. I really REALLY need one of those. Of course my class schedule right now doesn't really allow for one. I just feel weird not working and I don't like not having income consistently coming in.. it is really not cool. Im kinda worried how I am going to manage having a job, Chi o, Freshman council, and school next semester....I wish everything could be free!! life would be soo much easier...Just kidding.
OH! I made Freshman Council!! Which is the freshman legislature of the Student government association! 300 plus applied and went through two rounds of interviews and 20 girls and 20 guys were chosen to be on the council! AND I MADE IT!!! I was soo excited! At first I went in really blind sided and not knowing what it was all about (to be completely honest I keep finding new details to what we actually do! and am still not sure what it is 100% about) I was just told I would enjoy it and should look in to it. I also thought the whole process was pretty much going to be a sign up and you make it kind of process. I did foresee that there would be 300 people competing!! So when I finally realized I actually really wanted it I was like oh no I haven't been pushing my best qualities enough and really didn't think I would make it to round 2. BUT I did make it to round two!! And round two interviews were going AMAZING! seriously one of my best interviews for anything. I wasn't awkward I had answers flowing and they were good answers. And the atmosphere was really good in the room. I liked the execs interviewing me and I felt like they liked me. I think it was one of the few interviews where I wasn't awkward, I was nice and bubbly like I am around people I know really well. Anyways we all get up to leave and well it was really awkward cause Im the interviewee and I don't know if I should make my way to the door first or if I should wait. So we have that loverly awkward few moments and then we make our way to the door. Well this one guy was standing there with his hand outstretched like you would if you were about to give someone a side hug. So I assumed he was wanted to give me a side hug...So I GAVE HIM A HUG! THEN I realize he was just standing like that to hold the door once I opened it!!! He of course played it off real well and was like "aww how cute! look how sweet she is, we have a connection right from the start". I walked out of the room turned the corner and kicked myself! I was soo embarrassed. I couldn't believe I thought he wanted a hug! How weird is that! So God was giving me some humble pie and for the rest of the day I was sure I was not going to make it because of that! But alas the president called me that night to tell me I had made it....and I screamed on the phone....at the president....then later that night I yelled at a girl "caroline is that you, you look soo cute, I didn't recognize you at all" to which the girl replied "what? Im not caroline" so of course I didn't recognize her cause it wasnt the girl I thought it was.....It was quite an amusing night and day for me lol! But I love freshman council! We had our initiation welcome on tuesday night! I met a lot of fun people who I can not wait to become friends with! I went in thinking I didn't know anyone else doing SGA and actually knew 2 girls. Also there was a guy who is from memphis went to collierville, who went to a dance with one of my friends so we ate at the same house together. and then there was a girl from memphis who was on my bridge builders team from junior camp! So once again it is a small world after all!
Still trying out different churches. Went once again to Fellowship last sunday. They had a baby dedication. So they have 2 marks towards the baptist theology lol. I found out this past sunday that it is a nondenominational church. But I like the sermon series the pastor is preaching on. He is a good preacher!
I really miss little kids. Yesterday on campus I saw two little newborns and wanted SO badly to walk up and ask if I could hold their child for them....I of course did not do this cause that would be creepy! I definitely want to work in that infant rooms at bellevue when I go back for Christmas break!
wow this post is quite long...I have actually been periodically working on it for two days just because I have been that busy! will hopefully update you more periodically!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Far to long my friend!
It has indeed been far to LONG my friend! It's strange how comforting a blog can be. It's as great as a journal yet one step better because I know my closest friends are reading it and now know the crazy thoughts that go through my head and still haven't left my side! Or maybe they have and that's why I have started to feel the distance lol just kidding! Well at the moment I am writing a paper for english but my computer has frozen ONLY on my word document! It is like my computer KNEW I needed to take a break and update people on my life! I have soo many posts I've been waiting to post on here but literally I have had no time whatsoever to post on my loverly blog! So instead of posting a SUPER long one I am going to post a lot of littler ones but they might be posted on the same day. So don't judge or get weirded out there is just so much I need to say and I didn't want to bore you with a really long post. Personally I would rather read 20 short ones than one really really long one. Not sure why but I guess the length scares me and the fact that there isn't much spacing. I'm weird with my reading, for example in writing I know must use blue, purple, or a bright colored pen because when I study I focus better with them and can't focus on the words when they are boring ole black color! My paper is still frozen...this is beginning to make me nervous because if I lose that paper well I will not be happy at all! Hah I just took a screen shot of the paper incase i loose that last paragraph I can go back and read it. I'm a clever one!
Anyways! my other blogs will include: The amazing notes from ruf last tuesday, pledge retreat, the rain drenched football game and the uber amount of homework I have this week.
This blog will be about today! Starting with the easy one first! only because I don't have my ruf notes here in the study room with me!
Today I went to Fellowship. I really am not sure what denomination the church is. It could be non-denominational or presbyterian, :/? It was really nice, getting back to the side that I am use to. It was a newer building more modern looking. Which I think I actually like the older style buildings better. But never judge a church by it's cover :)! It was more modern and upbeat. I didn't know any of the songs except for one hymn that we sang. The message was really good. The pastor is starting a series called "making room for one more" It's about looking more like Christ and reaching out to our (I guess their) community but not through the religious unemotional methods but from heart felt Christ inspired methods. That is my translation of what it is not anything that the pastor specifically said. At the beginning of the sermon the pastor showed the movie clip of the birds that I think was before cars. You know the one where the big blue bird wants to sit with the little bird on the telephone wires and the little ones don't let him and they end up flying in the air and loosing their feathers. Yea It was funny, I felt a little weird having a video clip shown in big church. the pastor also had a mac on stage with him. Guess he is a firm believer in saving the trees. totally just kidding. but that was different for me. Their baptism was really different. I realized I don't know what the biblical guidelines are for baptism. Like who is suppose to and who can't. I know it is suppose to be someone ordained but besides that I don't know much else about it. Well it was the cutest baptism I've ever seen. The father and grandmother of this little girl maybe 7 or 6 baptized her. They both told stories about the little girl and how they saw the lord working in her and what type of spirit she had. It was soo cute brought tears to my eyes. And then the little girl gave her statement of faith....IT WAS SO CUTE! so Cute to hear her little voice saying
"I accept Jesus as my savior, and need him to forgive me of my sins, and I want to live my life from here on out for him". It was too cute! And then the grandmother baptized her which is where I began to wonder if women baptizing was biblical or if them not was biblical. I don't really know. I will need to call my daddy and ask him. And look it up on my own! But the church was really good. I miss invitations though. I realized today I haven't been in a church that offers one. Katherine said it's cause I haven't been to a baptist church yet. I've never been to a service before I came here where there wasn't one. It's weird. I always remember pastor Rogers and Bro Steve saying no matter what they always gave an invitation and I just thought that was normal...I guess not. But I like it being normal and think it should be a normal thing.
While at church today I realized my deep desire to do something with kids. Preferable underprivileged kids. For example I desperately want to work either at a inner city school or work at an orphanage over seas. I never really thought of myself as a person who loved kids but I really am! It never ceases to amaze me how much just a random kid can brighten my day! Seriously they can change my attitude a complete 180 just by a simple smile. I was reminded of that at the football game the other day. I'm not sure why God has placed these desires in my heart but I know they can't and won't be ignored. They are someway somehow going to be played out in my life. I can't see the big picture yet but there are some kids out there that already have half of my heart in their hands and I can't wait to hold half of their hearts in mine. To give them back whatever it may be that they couldn't find in another. To show them the love of God! ahhh im getting all emotional now and I have no idea where my life is even going to be in the next year, hey even in the next week! But somewhere I know theres a little boy or girl who I am going to be able to touch and hold and with the help and power of God heal. Maybe it will just be in little simple ways like helping them solve problems after school, or giving them a ride home, or playing catch whatever the simple act may be I pray that I listen and follow the will of God that will lead me to that place. That I will not ignore the chances I have everyday here on campus and in my knoxville community. May I not become comfortable, lazy, or focus my attention on myself. May I realize the gifts I have been given and see the life that I was created to live. I want my kids now but I know God has a plan and I must be happy and satisfied with where He has placed me at this time. I must look around and be still and listen to who, what , and where He is showing me in the here and now. Ill make it to my little kids, or village one day but until that day I'm going to try and grasp all the treasure I'm suppose to share and unfold here today, in this moment.
For not one of knows the moments we are given.
Sorry that gets really deep and weird and....yea.....my thoughts lol.
If many of you don't know Since i was like 6 I've wanted to do missions. My grandma use to tuck me and my little sister, lizzie, into bed and ask us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I think I always answered a missionary or a mommy. Those are the desires of my heart. I don't know where God will lead me. I use to want to go to China, then it was a jungle, now its a school or an orphanage. Whatever it is I'm willing to go. All I want is to be completely empty before Christ. For then will I know that I am out of my comfort zone and I am doing nothing for myself but only for His Glory and for the advancement of His kingdom. That is the reason for the longest time that I wanted to go to a jungle. For there I knew it couldn't be about me. I wouldn't be there trying to impress people or worried what society thought of me. It was there that I would know I had laid it all down at Christ's feet. Today I have realized I don't have to go to a jungle to find that. That even in a jungle I could be doing it for my own glory. I realize that it is a constant battle to lay down my old flesh and put on the new skins that are in Christ. I also realize he will teach me to do that wherever I am not just in a jungle. Those are the crazy thoughts of abby. The thoughts that pretty much make up who I am and what I want to do with my life. I don't know where I am to go or what I am to do. All I know is that I want to live my life completely for someone else. I want to do something significantly substantial for someone else. I want to be doing something for others. Not sure if this made sense but there it is!! Tada!
And my paper is still frozen...Maybe it is just a sign that I should give up. Well I'm going to seek technological assistant! So long for a short while my friends!
Anyways! my other blogs will include: The amazing notes from ruf last tuesday, pledge retreat, the rain drenched football game and the uber amount of homework I have this week.
This blog will be about today! Starting with the easy one first! only because I don't have my ruf notes here in the study room with me!
Today I went to Fellowship. I really am not sure what denomination the church is. It could be non-denominational or presbyterian, :/? It was really nice, getting back to the side that I am use to. It was a newer building more modern looking. Which I think I actually like the older style buildings better. But never judge a church by it's cover :)! It was more modern and upbeat. I didn't know any of the songs except for one hymn that we sang. The message was really good. The pastor is starting a series called "making room for one more" It's about looking more like Christ and reaching out to our (I guess their) community but not through the religious unemotional methods but from heart felt Christ inspired methods. That is my translation of what it is not anything that the pastor specifically said. At the beginning of the sermon the pastor showed the movie clip of the birds that I think was before cars. You know the one where the big blue bird wants to sit with the little bird on the telephone wires and the little ones don't let him and they end up flying in the air and loosing their feathers. Yea It was funny, I felt a little weird having a video clip shown in big church. the pastor also had a mac on stage with him. Guess he is a firm believer in saving the trees. totally just kidding. but that was different for me. Their baptism was really different. I realized I don't know what the biblical guidelines are for baptism. Like who is suppose to and who can't. I know it is suppose to be someone ordained but besides that I don't know much else about it. Well it was the cutest baptism I've ever seen. The father and grandmother of this little girl maybe 7 or 6 baptized her. They both told stories about the little girl and how they saw the lord working in her and what type of spirit she had. It was soo cute brought tears to my eyes. And then the little girl gave her statement of faith....IT WAS SO CUTE! so Cute to hear her little voice saying
"I accept Jesus as my savior, and need him to forgive me of my sins, and I want to live my life from here on out for him". It was too cute! And then the grandmother baptized her which is where I began to wonder if women baptizing was biblical or if them not was biblical. I don't really know. I will need to call my daddy and ask him. And look it up on my own! But the church was really good. I miss invitations though. I realized today I haven't been in a church that offers one. Katherine said it's cause I haven't been to a baptist church yet. I've never been to a service before I came here where there wasn't one. It's weird. I always remember pastor Rogers and Bro Steve saying no matter what they always gave an invitation and I just thought that was normal...I guess not. But I like it being normal and think it should be a normal thing.
While at church today I realized my deep desire to do something with kids. Preferable underprivileged kids. For example I desperately want to work either at a inner city school or work at an orphanage over seas. I never really thought of myself as a person who loved kids but I really am! It never ceases to amaze me how much just a random kid can brighten my day! Seriously they can change my attitude a complete 180 just by a simple smile. I was reminded of that at the football game the other day. I'm not sure why God has placed these desires in my heart but I know they can't and won't be ignored. They are someway somehow going to be played out in my life. I can't see the big picture yet but there are some kids out there that already have half of my heart in their hands and I can't wait to hold half of their hearts in mine. To give them back whatever it may be that they couldn't find in another. To show them the love of God! ahhh im getting all emotional now and I have no idea where my life is even going to be in the next year, hey even in the next week! But somewhere I know theres a little boy or girl who I am going to be able to touch and hold and with the help and power of God heal. Maybe it will just be in little simple ways like helping them solve problems after school, or giving them a ride home, or playing catch whatever the simple act may be I pray that I listen and follow the will of God that will lead me to that place. That I will not ignore the chances I have everyday here on campus and in my knoxville community. May I not become comfortable, lazy, or focus my attention on myself. May I realize the gifts I have been given and see the life that I was created to live. I want my kids now but I know God has a plan and I must be happy and satisfied with where He has placed me at this time. I must look around and be still and listen to who, what , and where He is showing me in the here and now. Ill make it to my little kids, or village one day but until that day I'm going to try and grasp all the treasure I'm suppose to share and unfold here today, in this moment.
For not one of knows the moments we are given.
Sorry that gets really deep and weird and....yea.....my thoughts lol.
If many of you don't know Since i was like 6 I've wanted to do missions. My grandma use to tuck me and my little sister, lizzie, into bed and ask us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I think I always answered a missionary or a mommy. Those are the desires of my heart. I don't know where God will lead me. I use to want to go to China, then it was a jungle, now its a school or an orphanage. Whatever it is I'm willing to go. All I want is to be completely empty before Christ. For then will I know that I am out of my comfort zone and I am doing nothing for myself but only for His Glory and for the advancement of His kingdom. That is the reason for the longest time that I wanted to go to a jungle. For there I knew it couldn't be about me. I wouldn't be there trying to impress people or worried what society thought of me. It was there that I would know I had laid it all down at Christ's feet. Today I have realized I don't have to go to a jungle to find that. That even in a jungle I could be doing it for my own glory. I realize that it is a constant battle to lay down my old flesh and put on the new skins that are in Christ. I also realize he will teach me to do that wherever I am not just in a jungle. Those are the crazy thoughts of abby. The thoughts that pretty much make up who I am and what I want to do with my life. I don't know where I am to go or what I am to do. All I know is that I want to live my life completely for someone else. I want to do something significantly substantial for someone else. I want to be doing something for others. Not sure if this made sense but there it is!! Tada!
And my paper is still frozen...Maybe it is just a sign that I should give up. Well I'm going to seek technological assistant! So long for a short while my friends!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Have you ever been to camp?
So I managed getting a ride home for this loverly 3 day weekend! I rode home with my suite mate Taylor and her boyfriend Cameron. He was such a sweet heart, he drove 5 hours to come get her ( I tagged along) and then 6 hours back to memphis when he was only 4 hours away from memphis! We left at 10 and drove all the way home at night quite an adventure! It was so nice to come home! Yet, it's really weird being home! It doesn't quite feel like home anymore! It's all reversed now, knoxville is home, and memphis is a place where I have to visit! It was weird waking up in my room this morning! I think it was a really good idea for me to come home though. I really got to sit back and look back at the big picture. I was beginning to feel caught up in the big rush and mass of people at UT. You really never have anytime alone at college. You are constantly with someone and I really needed to escape. I needed to go back to my house were I could be me. Where I could reflect, pray, and just rejuvenate to jump right back in! And I really found it! Talking to my mom helped me refocus things and see things in the big picture. It's a weird feeling going to college. I felt like I had 2 worlds one that consisted of my home and one of college life. And to be completely honest I didn't really know who I was in this new world. I was getting lost in the whole rush and mass of things and I could feel it. I think thats why I got so homesick and needed to come home so badly because I needed to remember to come back to the foundation of who I am. What better place to do that, then at the only place in the world where you can be whoever you want to and the people are forced to love you! So now even after just a day of talking with my sisters, and mommy I've been reminded, well more re-encouraged of who I am and that I don't have to be rushed into the masses! This was a good decision for me to come home, it really helped me to see that I really do love it in knoxville, and though I miss my family and being with them I know Knoxville is where I am suppose to be! AHHH I love being home!
Today:
Me and the sisters went and got Jody's donuts for everyone! Which i guess the holidays bring out the desire for donuts in people because there were pretty much noooo donuts when we got there! We wiped them out when we took a dozen home! They were delicious, a little too sugary but sooo worth it! Then me and the sisters attacked the day with a whole lot shopping! Which was fun got lots o cute clothes and comfortable shoes and of course some bonding with the sisters! Then we returned for family dinner! Which was delicious we had chicken, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes and white potatoes, and angel food cake for dessert! My wonderful mommy bought me blueberries and is making me pink stuff she loves me sooo! I also brought my laundry home so I could be the "typical" college student. It was great! The weather feels amazing outside today I love it! Well I should probably go to sleep now! I get to go to my own church tomorrow and more time with the family! Ahh I love 3 day weekends!
Today:
Me and the sisters went and got Jody's donuts for everyone! Which i guess the holidays bring out the desire for donuts in people because there were pretty much noooo donuts when we got there! We wiped them out when we took a dozen home! They were delicious, a little too sugary but sooo worth it! Then me and the sisters attacked the day with a whole lot shopping! Which was fun got lots o cute clothes and comfortable shoes and of course some bonding with the sisters! Then we returned for family dinner! Which was delicious we had chicken, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes and white potatoes, and angel food cake for dessert! My wonderful mommy bought me blueberries and is making me pink stuff she loves me sooo! I also brought my laundry home so I could be the "typical" college student. It was great! The weather feels amazing outside today I love it! Well I should probably go to sleep now! I get to go to my own church tomorrow and more time with the family! Ahh I love 3 day weekends!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Trapped
I am soo homesick tonight! I have been hammering trying to find a way home this weekend and the more I think about it the more I need to stay here. It's the first football game of our season and normally I would never miss something like that, but I had reasoned that there will be many more football games and its only martin who we will cream. I did however already buy my ticket but its only ten bucks so what does it really matter, it would be soo worth it to see my family. But I've only been here three weeks and I really need to make myself get acclimated and feel at home here. I need to meet some more people, find my own group of friends I can chill with, and look at more churches. There will also be a lot of fun things happening this weekend since its labor day and the first game. I know I will have fun if I stay here, I just really miss my family. Yet, if I go home I bet it will be really really hard to come back and it wouldn't be fun to make that sad trip back with strangers for a six hour car drive. I feel so trapped not having a car. The only place I can go is on campus or near campus. I can't even drive to the mall if I want to I'm stuck. I'm beginning to regret the six hours away from home. I love knoxville its just soo far away. But I know soon I will have my little nook and I will love it and not want to leave or wish I was here when I am home. Today was good I actually enjoyed English! All we are doing in English right now is learning how to write. I hate writing with a passion but I know I must be good at it. But today I actually had fun writing my thesis and working on it to make it better. My teacher is really nice she makes writing fun! Spanish was good as always! More puppies on the slide shows though, how not nice that is! But I guess it's better than something boring right! I had a lab today I dislike labs! It's not fun we spent an hour and a half working on something that would have taken us 20 minutes to do in high school! Then I went to dinner with Kerry, Taylor, and Rachel! It was really fun they are nice girls who are soo funny to be around! There is never a dull moment with them! Then I got invited to go rock climbing! Which WOW I never knew we had such an impressive rock climbing set up. I had heard people talk about it but I just thought there was one wall. Boy was I wrong! There is a whole gym area with different walls all over the place! All are free hand so you don't use any ropes but they are probably only 10 ft with really puffy mats underneath you so you don't get hurt! It was a nice work out!( which is what I claim to be my workout instead of running lol) I cannot wait to go back there very soon! Oh today I woke up really late! It was soo weird I hadn't heard Katherine at all! Which is amazing because well, Katherine is the loudest person on the earth! Anyways I woke up and really though it would be 8 o'clock or earlier and it was like 1030! I was still tired too I was soo tired I was worried that I could have possibly missed my 12:20 class! how sad would that have been to be like yea I missed my 12:20 class cause I over slept! I need to get some sleep this weekend! Well I still have some homework to do I just really needed to vent to a lonely computer screen lol. Ugh I miss my house! My mommy, my daddy, my lizzie, my anna, my emma, my peter, my aidan, my lila, my maci, my sparky! and even my thomas! I think I want my ab chair to be here too I forgot how helpful that things was in doing abs!
Until we meet again my friends!
Until we meet again my friends!
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