Far to long my friend!

It has indeed been far to LONG my friend! It's strange how comforting a blog can be. It's as great as a journal yet one step better because I know my closest friends are reading it and now know the crazy thoughts that go through my head and still haven't left my side! Or maybe they have and that's why I have started to feel the distance lol just kidding! Well at the moment I am writing a paper for english but my computer has frozen ONLY on my word document! It is like my computer KNEW I needed to take a break and update people on my life! I have soo many posts I've been waiting to post on here but literally I have had no time whatsoever to post on my loverly blog! So instead of posting a SUPER long one I am going to post a lot of littler ones but they might be posted on the same day. So don't judge or get weirded out there is just so much I need to say and I didn't want to bore you with a really long post. Personally I would rather read 20 short ones than one really really long one. Not sure why but I guess the length scares me and the fact that there isn't much spacing. I'm weird with my reading, for example in writing I know must use blue, purple, or a bright colored pen because when I study I focus better with them and can't focus on the words when they are boring ole black color! My paper is still frozen...this is beginning to make me nervous because if I lose that paper well I will not be happy at all! Hah I just took a screen shot of the paper incase i loose that last paragraph I can go back and read it. I'm a clever one!

Anyways! my other blogs will include: The amazing notes from ruf last tuesday, pledge retreat, the rain drenched football game and the uber amount of homework I have this week.
This blog will be about today! Starting with the easy one first! only because I don't have my ruf notes here in the study room with me!

Today I went to Fellowship. I really am not sure what denomination the church is. It could be non-denominational or presbyterian, :/? It was really nice, getting back to the side that I am use to. It was a newer building more modern looking. Which I think I actually like the older style buildings better. But never judge a church by it's cover :)! It was more modern and upbeat. I didn't know any of the songs except for one hymn that we sang. The message was really good. The pastor is starting a series called "making room for one more" It's about looking more like Christ and reaching out to our (I guess their) community but not through the religious unemotional methods but from heart felt Christ inspired methods. That is my translation of what it is not anything that the pastor specifically said. At the beginning of the sermon the pastor showed the movie clip of the birds that I think was before cars. You know the one where the big blue bird wants to sit with the little bird on the telephone wires and the little ones don't let him and they end up flying in the air and loosing their feathers. Yea It was funny, I felt a little weird having a video clip shown in big church. the pastor also had a mac on stage with him. Guess he is a firm believer in saving the trees. totally just kidding. but that was different for me. Their baptism was really different. I realized I don't know what the biblical guidelines are for baptism. Like who is suppose to and who can't. I know it is suppose to be someone ordained but besides that I don't know much else about it. Well it was the cutest baptism I've ever seen. The father and grandmother of this little girl maybe 7 or 6 baptized her. They both told stories about the little girl and how they saw the lord working in her and what type of spirit she had. It was soo cute brought tears to my eyes. And then the little girl gave her statement of faith....IT WAS SO CUTE! so Cute to hear her little voice saying
"I accept Jesus as my savior, and need him to forgive me of my sins, and I want to live my life from here on out for him". It was too cute! And then the grandmother baptized her which is where I began to wonder if women baptizing was biblical or if them not was biblical. I don't really know. I will need to call my daddy and ask him. And look it up on my own! But the church was really good. I miss invitations though. I realized today I haven't been in a church that offers one. Katherine said it's cause I haven't been to a baptist church yet. I've never been to a service before I came here where there wasn't one. It's weird. I always remember pastor Rogers and Bro Steve saying no matter what they always gave an invitation and I just thought that was normal...I guess not. But I like it being normal and think it should be a normal thing.

While at church today I realized my deep desire to do something with kids. Preferable underprivileged kids. For example I desperately want to work either at a inner city school or work at an orphanage over seas. I never really thought of myself as a person who loved kids but I really am! It never ceases to amaze me how much just a random kid can brighten my day! Seriously they can change my attitude a complete 180 just by a simple smile. I was reminded of that at the football game the other day. I'm not sure why God has placed these desires in my heart but I know they can't and won't be ignored. They are someway somehow going to be played out in my life. I can't see the big picture yet but there are some kids out there that already have half of my heart in their hands and I can't wait to hold half of their hearts in mine. To give them back whatever it may be that they couldn't find in another. To show them the love of God! ahhh im getting all emotional now and I have no idea where my life is even going to be in the next year, hey even in the next week! But somewhere I know theres a little boy or girl who I am going to be able to touch and hold and with the help and power of God heal. Maybe it will just be in little simple ways like helping them solve problems after school, or giving them a ride home, or playing catch whatever the simple act may be I pray that I listen and follow the will of God that will lead me to that place. That I will not ignore the chances I have everyday here on campus and in my knoxville community. May I not become comfortable, lazy, or focus my attention on myself. May I realize the gifts I have been given and see the life that I was created to live. I want my kids now but I know God has a plan and I must be happy and satisfied with where He has placed me at this time. I must look around and be still and listen to who, what , and where He is showing me in the here and now. Ill make it to my little kids, or village one day but until that day I'm going to try and grasp all the treasure I'm suppose to share and unfold here today, in this moment.
For not one of knows the moments we are given.
Sorry that gets really deep and weird and....yea.....my thoughts lol.

If many of you don't know Since i was like 6 I've wanted to do missions. My grandma use to tuck me and my little sister, lizzie, into bed and ask us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I think I always answered a missionary or a mommy. Those are the desires of my heart. I don't know where God will lead me. I use to want to go to China, then it was a jungle, now its a school or an orphanage. Whatever it is I'm willing to go. All I want is to be completely empty before Christ. For then will I know that I am out of my comfort zone and I am doing nothing for myself but only for His Glory and for the advancement of His kingdom. That is the reason for the longest time that I wanted to go to a jungle. For there I knew it couldn't be about me. I wouldn't be there trying to impress people or worried what society thought of me. It was there that I would know I had laid it all down at Christ's feet. Today I have realized I don't have to go to a jungle to find that. That even in a jungle I could be doing it for my own glory. I realize that it is a constant battle to lay down my old flesh and put on the new skins that are in Christ. I also realize he will teach me to do that wherever I am not just in a jungle. Those are the crazy thoughts of abby. The thoughts that pretty much make up who I am and what I want to do with my life. I don't know where I am to go or what I am to do. All I know is that I want to live my life completely for someone else. I want to do something significantly substantial for someone else. I want to be doing something for others.  Not sure if this made sense but there it is!! Tada!

And my paper is still frozen...Maybe it is just a sign that I should give up. Well I'm going to seek technological assistant! So long for a short while my friends!